Wolf Blitzer is a pathetic man, all unequal groups receive casinos, military drone TR-425 answers for its crimes in court, President Obama seems to hate his dog, climatologists appear to be trying to communicate something, first openly drunk senator accused of drunken campaign promises, Department of Health and Human Services bans the nation's Shawnas from using tanning salons, DreamWorks Animation to receive the Oscar lifetime achievement award for "giving divorced dads something to do with their kids", PETA demands an end to using chickens to randomly select Oscar winners, sources within Howie Mandel's imagination report that he will be hosting the Oscars, the Democratic Party is seeking councling to resolve their issues, train is okay after hitting a man, and teenage pregnancy rates in Pennington, Illinois are up thirty percent due to Cody.
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