Asteroid set to destroy Earth in 30 minutes, screenwriter's plan to stop asteroid with attractive everymen failed miserably, Shelby Cross intends to rule the post-apocalyptic world, U.N. releases apocalypse themed progressive rock concept album created with entire emergency fund, the First Responders analyze a new bill prevents the friend-less from purchasing guns (only to decay into a rant how they want to punch Brooke in her "goddamn, hitch face"), today NOW! interviews boy about his "totally awesome" encounter with a shark, sluts and muscle-bound douchebags gathered in military bunker to repopulate the earth, this day in 1982 the first boom-box carrying rollerskater was elected to congress, guy born with goddamn stupid-looking face finds solace in Association of Americans with Hateful Faces, and Mayor who counterfeited coupons to save $14.81 has resigned.
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