Congress passes bill making incomprehensible shouting the official language of the United States, GoldenMade factory explosion results in flood of corn syrup, Federal Dating Agency adjusts datings standards to a record low, child who witnessed the murder of his parents is on the path to becoming a real-life Batman, real Obama found after revelations that a lookalike took his place two years ago, fifty-two injured in attack on LAX by film director Michael Bay, Conair recalls wand massagers after discovery of unintended uses, Congress passes new law providing workers six minutes per day to cry in stairwell, Joe Biden unveils anticipated Vice President uniform, Shelby Cross urges Americans to secretly film those engaged in sexual activity to curb public indecency, entire town attends parade for the town's only gay man, Oklahoma state legislature passes bill allowing doctors to perform fake abortions, and this day in 1929 doctors eliminated the slide whistle sound that accompanied falling pants.
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