Onion News Network - Episodes- Followmy.tv

The MacBook Wheel lets consumers accomplish everyday tasks like typing with just a few dozen spins and clicks of a wheel.

Today Now! welcomes adventurer and balloonist Trent Montaug, who is determined to steer the conversation to the horrors of horse abuse.

Community members who didn't burn to death are struggling to accept the devastating loss of so much premium fuel.

Rep. Cummings (D-VA) wants to mark Obamas historic inauguration with an intricately choreographed dance piece of his own creation.

In Beyond The Facts, we examine how Bratz are convincing a generation of girls that to be hip and beautiful they have to have gigantic heads.

Teachers may have overlooked a number of red flags, including Bobby Knowles' turbulent home life, violent writing, and previous school shootings.

From Onion News Network International: North Korea's space program will capture the moon and bring it home, a feat no Western nation could accomplish.

Author Jerry Bloom visits Today Now to explain how you can make your kitchen floor shine without falling and paralyzing yourself for life.

The Giants Coach said he valued the years he spent with his family, but wants to focus on more important things now.

Our panelists debate whether TV programs like A Double Shot At Love and The Bad Girls Club depict unattainable levels of skankiness.

Our Tech Trends reporter looks at the new gizmo Sony promises will revolutionize the way consumers become infuriated by goddamn blinking TV box things.

Made by Pfizer, Despondex is the first drug designed to treat the symptoms of excessive perkiness.

Amivi Gama's violent rise to power has proved that women are just as capable as men when it comes to brutality and oppression.

On Today Now, Peter Hedgemont shares the inspirational tale of how he has refused to let a cancer diagnosis convince him he has cancer.

The U.S. is considering sanctions against the Eastern European nation if it does not reduce the number of unsolicited offers for Viagra and replica handbags ... read more

Panelists debate whether games like Fallout 3 and Gears Of War 2 are teaching children skills they'll really need in the End Times.

Celebrity watchers attribute the exorbitant price to the incredibly low demand for any news about Jennifer Love Hewitt.

Rep. Gregory White (D-NH) tearfully asks forgiveness for the degrading and sinful acts he is about to engage in.

Online universities and bible colleges will be among the thousands of teams vying to prove they are the best in the nation.

Panelists dismiss the notion that something could go wrong with the 75-foot-tall crabs that shoot acid from their mouths.

Steel Hawk Inc. is offering a full refund to customers who bought thenon-flesh-shredding bullets.

Paleontologists believe the intact skeleton could shed light on the bizarre fetishes of this pervert dinosaur.

Business Week ranked the airport last in customer satisfaction due to long delays, bureaucratic employees, and overall oppressive atmosphere.

Rep. David Whittle (D-VA) speaks passionately about how his son, who died in Iraq, would have loved to see this appropriations bill passed.

Georgia police were so confident Marshall was the man who killed young Janet Kelly in a state bear preserve, they didn't investigate other suspects.

After her best friend was killed by flying debris, Today Now host Tracy Gill dedicated her life to protecting other people from wind-borne rubble.

Experts say Close Range sets a new standard for first-person shooter games with its vivid graphics and endless stream of exploding faces.

Panelists discuss how pornography warps children's minds, leading them to believe sex is actually fun rather than shameful and embarrassing.

From the Onion Prison Channel: Prison analysts warn rising inflation could devalue everything from rim jobs to shivs.

Treasury Officials say the dye used in printed money is extremely toxic and urge Americans to send all their cash to Washington immediately.

A new Department of Labor report finds personal outsourcing is revolutionizing how Americans don't do their own work.

In The Know panelists discuss whether seeing images of dead babies and bludgeoned prostitutes in our sleep is desensitizing Americans to violence.

On Auto Warriors two Ford plants will battle it out, building to the LIVE season finale event: one plant will close, 3,000 will get the axe!

Uganda's Ambassador is threatening to abolish the Committee on Conferences and author the draft calendar of conferences and meetings himself.

Long time fans of the Star Trek franchise say JJ Abrams' enjoyable, engaging prequel betrays what Star Trek is all about.

On Today Now!, Jim and Tracy meet James Kimura, a 12-year-old afflicted with the ability to spell long words normal kids don't even care about.

Appointed by Bush in 2003 to distract from the horrors of war, Liberty's antics turned fatal yesterday when he cart-wheeled into a roadside bomb.

Congressman Eisley conducts hearing on Market Data Protection Reform, restrains self from murdering five year old son.

The fire was ruled an accident after a tedious review of thousands of digital photos documenting every second of the five hour party.

Hockey officials hope to attract fans and create a higher-scoring, fast-paced game with a new aerodynamic puck and artificial turf instead of ice.

Girlfriends' spokesperson Kelly Ambrose joins us in the Financial Fallout Shelter to discuss why Boyfriends moving in with them just makes fiscal sense right... read more

Host becomes curiously pushy, sweaty in this roundtable discussion about loopholes in manslaughter law in the US.

Rep. Iscoe warns gays will give penises to lesbians who will give them vagina's so that homosexuals can marry and continue their attack on the American family.

Designed with the frustrated, sleep-deprived parent in mind, the BabySafe Ball can withstand shaking, stabbing, and claims you wish it'd never been born.

Obama will abandon complex policies on emissions, clean coal and refocus on achievable goals like applying deodorant daily, learning what to say when you burp.

Rep. McCullough cannot even fathom the amount of contempt you'd have to hold for Congress, the American people to do something so inconsiderate.

After gym doctors confirmed the injuries were career-ending, Johnson's trainers said there was no reason to keep her alive.

Treasury officials say the gold has just been rattling around in the bottom of some vaults at the US Bullion Depository anyway, and the government...

The President says the purpose of the performance reviews is to have a little face time to make sure we're all on the same page going forward.

Taco Bell boasts zero environmental impact with their new menu which will rely solely on synthetic, lab-produced ingredients.

Fast food giant Yum! Brands believes its new feedbags will make it even easier for Americans to constantly be eating.

Citizens across Mexico hope that the new Asshole Wall will stem the tide of assholes that visit from the US each year to aggressively drink, vomit.

In The Know's new live internet poll feature revolutionizes how pundits shamelessly cater to what viewers want to hear.

Supporters of the Pentagon's Dragon Tank urge Obama to reconsider the fearsome power of titanium nostrils mounted with long-range flamethrowers.

Jim and Tracy learn that in nations like Sierra Leone children as young as 12 are forced to smile, wave, and shake hands until they drop from exhaustion.

The curmudgeonly Poyuan Wei thinks the only thing wrong with the Chinese Government is that they are not tough enough on dissidents.

Boxing officials are hoping the once in a lifetime chance to see Holyfield try to take down thoroughbred Evening Dream will reignite interest in...

Rep. Lynn Merriweather says bill will protect the millions of Americans who just want to appear as young as they feel on the inside, that's all.

Congress says that with no way to actually pay back our debts, faking a coup to eliminate financial obligations is the best plan for the U.S. economy.

Child safety expert and ex-pedophile Terry Parker drops in on the morning show to share some insider tips from his years spent as a sex offender!

Web users who choose to move to the desolate village are guaranteed an environment free from Google products and natural light from the sun.

Women Deserve Better says PETA abuses defenseless, simple-minded women by forcing them to remove their clothes and participate in humiliating publicity stunts.

White House officials admit Obama's extreme confidence and total euphoria over "hope" and "change" were symptoms of a prolonged manic episode.

Despite eyebrows raised by his .850 batting average and Persian oil lamp he carries everywhere, 'Magic Lamp' emphatically denies ever using a genie.

Government officials have not determined the source of the music or what it could portend, but they urge Americans to avoid deserted mansions, woods, and eer... read more

In The Know panelists discuss the closing of the controversial detainee labyrinth and debate whether the Minotaurs sternum-stomping-by-hooves...

'E-Mom' Gloria Bianco shows Jim and Tracy how geographical distance is no longer a roadblock to shamelessly interfering with the lives of your children.

Thanks to the NFL's Mentoring Program, the Lions got to spend a fun-filled day with the pros learning to catch, tackle.

Americans say attending a 911 vigil or observing a moment of silence to only then come home to jerk off is disrespectful and wrong.

Innocent civilians across the impact zone are picking up the pieces after Secretary of State Clinton's tedious visits to their farms, cultural centers.

As Americans rush to join the Nouveau Poor, panelists debate whether the newly poor are capable of integrating with long established poor families from old p... read more

Congress is deadlocked on the best way to get a bat out of their committee chamber.

8 year old Lucas Armitage has become a national hero after bravely defending his home by shooting a burglar multiple times in the chest and neck.

On Raw Justice, host Dean Reid investigates the closed case of an 'accidental' fire and finds shocking new evidence of sexually motivated arson.

Panelists discuss whether Obama's openly loving family is a slap in the face to the average American who only bears feelings of resentment towards relatives.

The CDC's new anti-smoking campaign effectively reaches teens with a simple message: if you smoke, people are going to know you're totally crazy for butt sex.

White House officials are confident the President will be able to convince the wildfire to stop incinerating large swaths of land and American homes.

Dan Kellogg visits Today NOW! with money tips for one particular woman who forgot to close her bedroom drapes last night.

Steam Room analysts debate whether the International Fencing Federation should rein in this rogue, or if De La Croix will narrowly escape yet again.

In The Know panelists call Biden's decision to sneeze in the middle of a high level policy meeting 'disgusting' and 'completely inappropriate.'

Expert stops by Today NOW! to show parents of girly sons costume tips to survive Halloween without accentuating their child's obvious homosexuality.

People are breathing a sigh of relief today for the long-suffering spectators' sudden deaths, and for the total elimination of the Clippers' roster off the f... read more

An honors student died in the crash today, leaving the nation to wonder why the grisly experience of burning alive was not reserved for Glenn Beck.

Ford says the '93 Taurus is the only car to drive in 2010, and they think Americans will have no other choice but to agree.

Designers say the new game explores the endless paperwork, routine patrolling a modern day soldier endures in photorealistic detail.

Officials say the President's home teleprompter is simply a tool to make sure pillow talk with Michelle or conversations with his Mother-In-Law go smoothly.

11 year old Thomas Demming visits Today NOW! with the magical friend he hid for weeks in his bedroom closet.

Republicans say they have found their fresh new face in the corpse of Ronald Reagan, recently back from the dead.

Panelists discuss whether there is an epidemic among young people today who get stoked over everything from free keychains to tacos.

The DEA says Lil Wayne is an indispensable weapon against Mexican drug cartels having eradicated 40 tons of marijuana alone by smoking it himself.

Adult readers say they are drawn to the 'Green Man' children's book series by the complexity of its characters ranging from yellow to blue.

Researchers conducting the Friendster excavation say the site has been deserted since the year 2005 A.D.

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No summary found for this show

No summary found for this show