Two and a Half Men Season 1

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Pilot (Most Chicks Won't Eat Veal)
4
26 votes
1x01 Pilot (Most Chicks Won't Eat Veal) aired Sep 22, 2003

After Charlie's night with a girl is ruined due to Alan's interruption, Alan moves in, being kicked out of his house by his "suffocated" wife: Judith. The ne... read more

Big Flappy Bastards
3.8
27 votes
1x02 Big Flappy Bastards aired Sep 29, 2003

While spending time with Jake, Charlie finds it hard to enforce rules that Alan has set out for him. It gets to the point were Jake lures a flock of sea gul... read more

Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell
4
23 votes
1x03 Go East on Sunset Until You Reach the Gates of Hell aired Oct 06, 2003

After spending a day at Disneyland, Jake gets sick and wants to go to his mothers' house, to have her take care of him. This sends Alan into a state of mise... read more

If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap
3.8
23 votes
1x04 If I Can't Write My Chocolate Song, I'm Going to Take a Nap aired Oct 13, 2003

Charlie is very unhappy with his housekeepers' decision to quit, after she experiences Alan's demanding ways. Alan then offers to take on the role of houseke... read more

The Last Thing You Want to Do Is Wind Up with a Hump
3.7
23 votes
1x05 The Last Thing You Want to Do Is Wind Up with a Hump aired Oct 20, 2003

After spending a night in Las Vegas, Charlie decides to live up to his promise that he made to Jake about attending his soccer game. During the game, Charli... read more

Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys?
3.8
25 votes
1x06 Did You Check With the Captain of the Flying Monkeys? aired Oct 27, 2003

Charlie tries to teach Jake to avoid certain calls that Charlie doesn't want to deal with, like his mother (Evelyn) for one. Evelyn gets so frustrated with ... read more

If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake
4
24 votes
1x07 If They Do Go Either Way, They're Usually Fake aired Nov 03, 2003

Judith gets worried when, for a school assignment, Jake draws the tattooed buttocks of a female surfer friend of Charlie's who is in the habit of walking aro... read more

Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snootful
4.1
25 votes
1x08 Twenty-Five Little Pre-Pubers Without a Snootful aired Nov 10, 2003

Alan tricks Charlie into joining him and Judith in leading Jake and his classmates in the school's annual music show.

Phase One, Complete
4.1
21 votes
1x09 Phase One, Complete aired Nov 17, 2003

After meeting Wendy, a one-night stand of Charlies, Jake befriends her. Charlie doesn't like this situation, as he believes Wendy is using Jake to further t... read more

Merry Thanksgiving
3.8
22 votes
1x10 Merry Thanksgiving aired Nov 24, 2003

In an attempt to prove that he is a family man, Charlie invites Lisa over for Thanksgiving dinner

Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor
4.2
20 votes
1x11 Alan Harper, Frontier Chiropractor aired Dec 15, 2003

While at the movies, the brothers bump into Judith and her new boyfriend. Seeing that Judith has changed her look, and the fact that Jake doesn't think Alan... read more

Camel Filters + Pheromones
4.5
23 votes
1x12 Camel Filters + Pheromones aired Jan 05, 2004

When Berta is forced to bring her granddaughter Prudence to work with her, the boys find themselves a little preoccupied with her.

Sarah Like Puny Alan
3.8
19 votes
1x13 Sarah Like Puny Alan aired Jan 13, 2004

Charlie finally gets a chance for a double date with a hot neighbor, who is out for revenge on her cheating husband, and her sister who's a hot soap opera ac... read more

I Can't Afford Hyenas
4.1
20 votes
1x14 I Can't Afford Hyenas aired Feb 02, 2004

Stan, Charlie's accountant, tries to explain Charlie's financial woes to him.

Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick
4.1
21 votes
1x15 Round One to the Hot Crazy Chick aired Feb 09, 2004

Against Alan's judgment, Charlie falls for a seemingly crazy woman named Frankie.

That Was Saliva, Alan
3.8
21 votes
1x16 That Was Saliva, Alan aired Feb 16, 2004

Frankie tells Charlie and Alan why she and her daughter are on the run; Frankie's daughter has a crush on Jake.

Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats
4.3
22 votes
1x17 Ate the Hamburgers, Wearing the Hats aired Feb 23, 2004

Alan offends Charlie by choosing harebrained cousins as Jake's guardians in the event of his death.

An Old Flame With a New Wick
4.5
24 votes
1x18 An Old Flame With a New Wick aired Mar 01, 2004

Charlie is stunned to learn his ex-girlfriend is now a man.

I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You
4.2
20 votes
1x19 I Remember the Coatroom, I Just Don't Remember You aired Mar 22, 2004

Judith's sister, Liz, hits on Alan at Jake's birthday party; Evelyn prefers alcohol to cake.

Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark
3.7
19 votes
1x20 Hey, I Can Pee Outside in the Dark aired Apr 19, 2004

Judith believes that Jake is having a hard time dealing with his parent's divorce, after he starts annoying everyone with his non-stop guitar playing. So she... read more

No Sniffing, No Wowing
4.1
19 votes
1x21 No Sniffing, No Wowing aired May 03, 2004

Charlie jeopardizes Alan's divorce settlement by sleeping with his attorney, Laura.

My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet
4.1
19 votes
1x22 My Doctor Has a Cow Puppet aired May 10, 2004

Charlie attempts to cure Alan of his recent bout of sleepwalking; Jake sees his therapist.

Just Like Buffalo
4.1
19 votes
1x23 Just Like Buffalo aired May 17, 2004

Charlie tries to sweet talk Judith's divorcee support-group into letting Jake continue to spend weekends at his place.

Can You Feel My Finger?
3.9
19 votes
1x24 Can You Feel My Finger? aired May 24, 2004

A pregnancy scare has Charlie heading to the doctor for a vasectomy.

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